Truth In the Inward Parts

I was recently the recipient of an incredibly painful truth about myself.  Specifically, God showed me with stark clarity how much I crave the approval of men rather than Him.  The way He revealed it to me left no room for argument; I was guilty as charged.  It was then, however, that I felt the desperation that comes with increased knowledge of ourselves.

How was I to do anything about this?  It’s not as if I could simply will myself to be better – self reformation is always doomed to failure.  This sort of sin in particular is difficult to overcome as it is a hidden sin of the heart rather than one of action.

I was fearful that there was nothing I could do or stop doing to change anything.  For half an hour I sat and prayed, completely undone by this revelation of my own dark soul.  I had always known I had this tendency, but I worked hard to convince myself it wasn’t severe.  It’s as if my entire walk with Christ led up to this moment of realization, and I had nowhere to go.

It was at that moment, however, that the Spirit reached down into my heart and pulled out a memory verse I had learned years before from Psalm 51:

(5) Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
(6) Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
(7) Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 

These words poured over me like life itself and I recalled the three fundamental truths hidden within:

  1. I am a sinner at my core, I am just not fully aware of how complete my depravity is.
  2. God desires truth in the “inward parts” – I need to be honest with myself and Him regarding this sin. Call it what it is.
  3. If we are honest with ourselves and God regarding our sin, He is the one that will make us clean if our desire is to be so. It is by His power alone.

How thankful I am that that verse was buried deep within me to be used at that moment.  If you are struggling with a sin and failing at self-reformation, admit to God your complete inability to fix yourself and your desire for Him to create in you a clean heart of obedience.  Then watch carefully as you walk, listen closely to what the Spirit is saying, and commit to obey.

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